When helpful thoughts work against you 🤯

And how to get them to help you instead...

You can have a thought that feels so real, your body reacts as if it actually is. 

Imagine you see someone in the street that looks like someone who caused you pain earlier in your life. You know it’s not them, but it looks close enough to trigger an emotional response of anger. You feel your heart beat a little faster, your may even get a surge of adrenaline pulsing through your veins. 

You’re now consumed by thoughts and emotions about someone who you know isn’t anywhere near you. But your body is responding as if there’s an imminent threat!

It may not feel like it, but your mind is actually trying to help you. Your thoughts have triggered the Fight, Flight or Freeze response to try and protect you from what your mind has perceived as danger.

This primal function could save your life if it was actually someone, or something, trying to harm you. But the threat isn’t real at all - it’s been made up in your mind. 

When your ancestors were living off the land, they would have depended on this warning in order to survive an encounter with an animal or a rival. It even relates to how we engage with other individuals and groups (more on that tomorrow).

Just by having a thought of a perceived risk - that you know isn’t real - your mind tries to help you by releasing stress hormones and increasing your heart rate. Unfortunately, unless you are aware it’s just a thought it can have a negative impact, unless you take measures to step out of your head and come back to reality.

Your mind is trying to help you survive, but it’s ok to say something like: “thanks, but there’s no real threat here”. By literally saying it (even out loud), you are telling your brain that it doesn’t need to take any action. Naming thoughts like this may seem silly, but this ‘cognitive defusion’ has been scientifically proven (#18) to have a positive effect and reduce stress. 

Try it next time a thought makes you stressed. Say in your head (or out loud) ‘thanks but there’s no real threat here’ and see if you can notice any shift. It might not happen the first few times, but even the act of being more aware of your thoughts is going to be much more helpful in reducing stress, than your mind’s perceived ‘help’ of activating the fight, flight or freeze response.